Tag Archives: Daughters

Mothers, Daughters, and Getting it All Wrong

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My mother gave me one of those Hallmark books full of quotes on my 19th birthday. On each page she wrote a passage either agreeing [or disagreeing, because The Z loves a dissenting opinion. She is the liberal version of Scalia in our family] with the theme of the quote. My favorite of all of these notes in my mother’s scrawl goes like this:

Book quote:

“What I wanted most for my daughter was that she was able to soar confidently in her own sky, wherever that might be, and if there was space for me as I well I would, indeed, have reaped what I tried to sow.” – Helen Claes

Mom’s response:

“This I have always hoped for you. And it will come. You will do great things.

Mom wrote that to me 10 years ago. And it’s funny, because back then I had this preconception that my Mom wanted me to be what she wanted. I’ll blame that on the immaturity of my brain’s accountability chip, or my lack of emotional intelligence at age 19, because I couldn’t have been more wrong.

The relationship between mothers and daughters is dynamic. We love each other fiercely and quietly. In each other are the dreams of the mothers and daughters that came before us. She is you and you are her. And every now and then, in the ebb and flow of mother/daughter love, it takes looking back on a passage written ten years ago to remind yourself of what you already know: even though you are one, she raised you to be the best version of your individual self.

And for that I’ll be forever thankful.

Here’s to you, Mom. You saw greatness in me when I couldn’t see it in myself. Anything I achieve, big, small or in between, will be because of your unyielding mother love and belief in me. It will come. 

Loved you then. Love you now. Love you always.

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