The Shocking Way to Reduce Your Muffintop

Today I had a watershed moment. Must share.

This morning I put on “that pair” of jeans. Y’all know what I’m talking about. It’s the pair that you have convinced yourself that you still fit into, but know you’re a few precious ounces from qualifying for a fashion intervention by the crew of What Not To Wear.

Well, today I discovered that those jeans actually were on their way to fitting the way they should be. You can imagine my shock and overall happy dance that I did in my bedroom (which may or may not have been performed to Selena Gomez’s “I Love You Like A Love Song. If you’re looking for shame you ain’t gonna find it here). My muffintop had receded from its all-out, take no prisoners assault on my physique.

How did this happen? What secret diet had I been following? Don’t worry, I will tell you.

I have recently become aware of a crazy, fad diet. It’s called eating smaller, healthier portions, cutting back on the booze intake and working out at least an hour a day, 5 times a week.

Shocking, I know. Who had been hiding this crazy fitness tip from me for all of these years?

My friend Ryann suggested I share this groundbreaking discovery with my blog readers- so, for the 5ish people that read this thing, here’s a synopsis of our exchange. Consider Ryann my first fitness pupil.

Ryann: Catherine, can I drink a bottle of wine a night and still lose weight?

Catherine: No, but that sounds like a wonderful gateway to an evening of questionable decision making.

Ryann: Catherine, can I eat In ‘N’ Out for lunch everyday and still lose weight?

Catherine: Only if you barf it up later, but my super secret diet plan does not condone that at all. Next question?

Ryann: Catherine, I like to sit. It’s one of my favorite past times. I can do so much when I sit, watch movies, watch TV, work, watch YouTube videos, really, the possibilities are endless. See, the problem is I actually like sitting so much that I HATE getting up. Can I just sit and lose weight?

Catherine: No.

I changed Ryann’s life today. Hopefully I’ve changed yours, too. Now I will just sit back and watch the book deals, interviews and heaps upon heaps of money roll on in.

(sarcasm font off)

Advertisements

say what?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: