Today I had a watershed moment. Must share.
This morning I put on “that pair” of jeans. Y’all know what I’m talking about. It’s the pair that you have convinced yourself that you still fit into, but know you’re a few precious ounces from qualifying for a fashion intervention by the crew of What Not To Wear.
Well, today I discovered that those jeans actually were on their way to fitting the way they should be. You can imagine my shock and overall happy dance that I did in my bedroom (which may or may not have been performed to Selena Gomez’s “I Love You Like A Love Song. If you’re looking for shame you ain’t gonna find it here). My muffintop had receded from its all-out, take no prisoners assault on my physique.
How did this happen? What secret diet had I been following? Don’t worry, I will tell you.
I have recently become aware of a crazy, fad diet. It’s called eating smaller, healthier portions, cutting back on the booze intake and working out at least an hour a day, 5 times a week.
Shocking, I know. Who had been hiding this crazy fitness tip from me for all of these years?
My friend Ryann suggested I share this groundbreaking discovery with my blog readers- so, for the 5ish people that read this thing, here’s a synopsis of our exchange. Consider Ryann my first fitness pupil.
Ryann: Catherine, can I drink a bottle of wine a night and still lose weight?
Catherine: No, but that sounds like a wonderful gateway to an evening of questionable decision making.
Ryann: Catherine, can I eat In ‘N’ Out for lunch everyday and still lose weight?
Catherine: Only if you barf it up later, but my super secret diet plan does not condone that at all. Next question?
Ryann: Catherine, I like to sit. It’s one of my favorite past times. I can do so much when I sit, watch movies, watch TV, work, watch YouTube videos, really, the possibilities are endless. See, the problem is I actually like sitting so much that I HATE getting up. Can I just sit and lose weight?
I changed Ryann’s life today. Hopefully I’ve changed yours, too. Now I will just sit back and watch the book deals, interviews and heaps upon heaps of money roll on in.
(sarcasm font off)